[And she is. The office itself is a bit of controlled chaos, still in the process of transitioning from one person's organization system to another's. There are a couple of chairs across from the one she's perched on, though, and one of them is even free of stacks of books and papers. She looks up from a report she's reviewing at someone appearing in the doorway.]
[Tav has gotten much better at navigating the Riftwatch after centering himself on the Gallows. He returns there every night and it focuses him on a sense of safety; he can't kill anyone from behind bars. He knocks before popping his head into Cosima's office. While he's not particularly tall, Tav is unusual looking. He has mismatched eyes: one deep brown and the other milky white, the classic pointed ears of an elf, the shock of braided white hair, and a tattoo over his right brow.]
I'm Tav, I'm here to talk about my condition?
[Since talking with the Captain, he's become much more discrete about who he shares the details of his 'condition' with.]
Hey, Tav. Cosima. Come in, have a seat. Shut the door if you'd be more comfortable with some privacy.
[If she's uncomfortable with his appearance, it doesn't show. She's been in Thedas long enough that most of her clothes are local, but her glasses, jewelry and boots still mark her as from elsewhere. Here in the Gallows, she doesn't bother to cover the anchor shard in her hand, either.]
So. Captain Rowntree sent you my way. Maybe start from the beginning?
[Tav shuts the door and then takes a seat, his heart pounding in his throat. He knows he's a marked man, based on the judgment handed down to him from the division heads. They're wary of him and right to be so. He just wishes there was a way to remove his urges altogether.]
I have these urges. Murderous, primarily. During the day, I can control them, but at night, it becomes far more dangerous.
[Wait, that's not the real beginning; Tav holds up a finger.]
I used to be a prolific assassin and my job was to spread panic in the streets of my home city Baldur's Gate. I killed without purpose, I killed simply for the fun of it. And then I was captured and tortured until I lost my memories. However the urges remain. When I sleep, sometimes that side comes out, the killer side. I can usually feel it coming nowadays, but it's but a warning, not a chance to stop it altogether. I've... killed innocents back home, but no one here.
[Tav looks down and away, eyelids dropping to half-mast.] I would do anything to be rid of them.
I am currently sleeping in the Gallows at night and given magebane for the safety of those here and I plan to continue to do so past my quarantine time. I only want to keep those around me safe, especially since I haven't had an ... incident in a while.
[Cosima nods. She's either an incredibly laid-back person, or not all of this is news to her. Regardless, she considers him for a moment before she speaks.]
I appreciate your safety concerns. You mentioned magebane. Does that mean you have abilities similar to those of native Thedosian mages? Or similar enough, at least, that you can rely on magebane's effect to dampen them?
I primarily interact with nature; I'm a druid. I talk with the odd rabbit or squirrel for directions or, wait--
[He digs in his pocket for a leftover seed from working with Strange. Laying it in his palm, he shuts his eyes and allows a green glow to overtake the shell. It takes a moment or two, but then a sprout wriggles out and begins to crawl along his finger.]
I can also heal, but-- [Still focusing on the plant.] The last time I cast something high level, I seemed to pass out.
[Sorry Cosima, Tav talks a lot, and does most of his thinking out loud.]
Which is the long way of saying: I haven't tried if magebane dampens my power or not.
[The mention of talking to animals sparks some interest, but whatever idea it inspires, Cosima opts to save it for later.]
Well, since magebane isn't an unlimited resource, it would make sense to test that while you're awake and in control. If it doesn't, we may as well give you a placebo. [She makes a small note.]
Besides that, did Captain Rowntree suggest anything specific, or just Research is the place to talk to about a cure? Nothing wrong with the latter, but like ... I'm not a doctor myself, certainly not of the mind. It might be a complex process. A long one.
[Tav sets the sprout on his knee and nods. As much as he’d rather not test the limits of a poison meant to keep him from his magic, he needs to do this while awake.]
Of course.
[He sucks in a breath.]
He said research to find a cure, if one can be found. No matter how long. That’s how this happened.
[He gestures up to the milky white of his left eye.] Among other things.
[She nods, not without some sympathy, as he indicates the eye.]
I can't promise results, but I can promise we'll try. Doctor Strange is our head healer, so I'll want to coordinate with him before we start talking about any kind of plan. [She's aware that he's not a psychiatrist either, but at least he has a working knowledge of neurology.] I'll get back to you once I've spoken to him, and I'll do that soon.
Besides the magebane, what other precautions are you taking in the meantime?
Alright. I trust Captain Rowntree with the arrangements but ... have you spoken to the people in rooms near yours? They may want to take some precautions of their own in the meantime.
OK, well, I don't recommend scaring people, no, so if you need some help with how to frame it, I can give you some suggestions or even hook you up with someone in Diplomacy. But people who live in the Gallows, especially those nearest wherever you're staying, deserve to know there's a danger and what's being done about it. You're going to lose a lot of goodwill, and rightly so, if they find out in a way that's not you proactively telling them or making it clear that you gave permission for someone else to spread the word. It's not a perfect analogy but, man, if someone moved a wolf that wasn't domesticated into the room next to mine, that's not something I'd want to be an unpleasant surprise.
Like, I do agree this is not a thing to be spreading outside the organization. But it's a small place and the rumor mill is healthy. It's the right thing to do to get in front of it, but it's also the smart thing to do.
[Tav listens to Cosima with concern written clearly across his face. It’s all this diplomacy stuff that made him such a terrible leader back home. He’d say the wrong thing and then they’d have a cadre of githyanki or vampires or demons on top of them. He never got good at this and then he learned he was born to kill things, that all of these urges were because he was the son of the god of murder.
He lets his hands hang between his knees.] I agree. I agree that anyone around me should know that I’m a monster.
[Wolf, monster, same thing.]
I don’t know what to tell them without telling the whole story.
[She sighs quietly.] Of course you feel strongly about it. I think anyone would. But you don't need to ... you don't have to add the value judgment about it, you know? Like... what people need to know is not that you think you're a monster. What they need to know is that you can become involuntarily dangerous at night, so you're not going on missions that will take you out of the Gallows overnight, you're getting locked in, and you're looking for a permanent solution but that no one knows how long that will take.
And I can't tell you no one's going to have a feeling about that. But you're not trying to manage their feelings. What you're doing is giving them information so they can take extra steps to protect themselves if they want to. Or at a minimum, they'll know not try to welcome you to the organization with a late night of drinking in Kirkwall or anything, or think you're a jerk if you say no to that.
I can talk to the other Division Heads, though. If you really think you'd do it badly, we can put together some sort of statement and take care of spreading it to our respective staffs.
[Tav looks at the floor as Cosima talks, absorbing every word she says. It all makes sense, but he still has no idea how to frame a very precarious issue as something they are getting a better handle on.]
I’m not known for my diplomatic words, unfortunately. I can try, but I might make a bigger mess of things.
OK, well. Think about it, if you need to. I think having the Division Heads tell people proactively is still probably better than letting it get out in fits and starts.
[Enough people already know that keeping it secret indefinitely won't fly, though Cosima doesn't spell that out.]
I wish I could tell you "oh yeah, that's definitely a thing we know how to fix," for what it's worth. But we really will do our best.
Do. And I'll keep you posted, after I consult with Strange. [Who, inevitably, will also need to know.] And ... I'm sorry you're dealing with this. It's a rough hand to get dealt.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Re: sending crystal
crystal > action
[And she is. The office itself is a bit of controlled chaos, still in the process of transitioning from one person's organization system to another's. There are a couple of chairs across from the one she's perched on, though, and one of them is even free of stacks of books and papers. She looks up from a report she's reviewing at someone appearing in the doorway.]
...hey.
Re: crystal > action
I'm Tav, I'm here to talk about my condition?
[Since talking with the Captain, he's become much more discrete about who he shares the details of his 'condition' with.]
no subject
[If she's uncomfortable with his appearance, it doesn't show. She's been in Thedas long enough that most of her clothes are local, but her glasses, jewelry and boots still mark her as from elsewhere. Here in the Gallows, she doesn't bother to cover the anchor shard in her hand, either.]
So. Captain Rowntree sent you my way. Maybe start from the beginning?
no subject
I have these urges. Murderous, primarily. During the day, I can control them, but at night, it becomes far more dangerous.
[Wait, that's not the real beginning; Tav holds up a finger.]
I used to be a prolific assassin and my job was to spread panic in the streets of my home city Baldur's Gate. I killed without purpose, I killed simply for the fun of it. And then I was captured and tortured until I lost my memories. However the urges remain. When I sleep, sometimes that side comes out, the killer side. I can usually feel it coming nowadays, but it's but a warning, not a chance to stop it altogether. I've... killed innocents back home, but no one here.
[Tav looks down and away, eyelids dropping to half-mast.] I would do anything to be rid of them.
I am currently sleeping in the Gallows at night and given magebane for the safety of those here and I plan to continue to do so past my quarantine time. I only want to keep those around me safe, especially since I haven't had an ... incident in a while.
no subject
I appreciate your safety concerns. You mentioned magebane. Does that mean you have abilities similar to those of native Thedosian mages? Or similar enough, at least, that you can rely on magebane's effect to dampen them?
no subject
[He digs in his pocket for a leftover seed from working with Strange. Laying it in his palm, he shuts his eyes and allows a green glow to overtake the shell. It takes a moment or two, but then a sprout wriggles out and begins to crawl along his finger.]
I can also heal, but-- [Still focusing on the plant.] The last time I cast something high level, I seemed to pass out.
[Sorry Cosima, Tav talks a lot, and does most of his thinking out loud.]
Which is the long way of saying: I haven't tried if magebane dampens my power or not.
no subject
Well, since magebane isn't an unlimited resource, it would make sense to test that while you're awake and in control. If it doesn't, we may as well give you a placebo. [She makes a small note.]
Besides that, did Captain Rowntree suggest anything specific, or just Research is the place to talk to about a cure? Nothing wrong with the latter, but like ... I'm not a doctor myself, certainly not of the mind. It might be a complex process. A long one.
no subject
Of course.
[He sucks in a breath.]
He said research to find a cure, if one can be found. No matter how long. That’s how this happened.
[He gestures up to the milky white of his left eye.] Among other things.
no subject
I can't promise results, but I can promise we'll try. Doctor Strange is our head healer, so I'll want to coordinate with him before we start talking about any kind of plan. [She's aware that he's not a psychiatrist either, but at least he has a working knowledge of neurology.] I'll get back to you once I've spoken to him, and I'll do that soon.
Besides the magebane, what other precautions are you taking in the meantime?
no subject
[Tav pauses to remember his schedule.]
I am to be back at the gallows every evening at least two hours before sunset so I can be locked in.
no subject
no subject
[Tav hangs his head; not his proudest moment by far.]
no subject
Like, I do agree this is not a thing to be spreading outside the organization. But it's a small place and the rumor mill is healthy. It's the right thing to do to get in front of it, but it's also the smart thing to do.
no subject
He lets his hands hang between his knees.] I agree. I agree that anyone around me should know that I’m a monster.
[Wolf, monster, same thing.]
I don’t know what to tell them without telling the whole story.
no subject
And I can't tell you no one's going to have a feeling about that. But you're not trying to manage their feelings. What you're doing is giving them information so they can take extra steps to protect themselves if they want to. Or at a minimum, they'll know not try to welcome you to the organization with a late night of drinking in Kirkwall or anything, or think you're a jerk if you say no to that.
I can talk to the other Division Heads, though. If you really think you'd do it badly, we can put together some sort of statement and take care of spreading it to our respective staffs.
no subject
I’m not known for my diplomatic words, unfortunately. I can try, but I might make a bigger mess of things.
no subject
[Enough people already know that keeping it secret indefinitely won't fly, though Cosima doesn't spell that out.]
I wish I could tell you "oh yeah, that's definitely a thing we know how to fix," for what it's worth. But we really will do our best.
no subject
[Despite trying to keep his 'condition' secret, more and more people are finding out.]
Thank you. I truly appreciate it. If I remember anything, I'll alert you.
no subject
no subject
[He offers one last wave on the way out.]