I didn't mean to draw an exact parallel. [It's a little quieter.]
I just meant... I didn't mean to erase nuance with the fact that I'm glad I'm not just sitting around waiting for my body to break down, either. From the little I've heard, it sounds like not all Circles are the same, exactly, either.
[It's an invitation to elaborate, but certainly not a demand.]
( She wonders, sometimes, if such careful efforts to control her tone and her words makes her sound colder, rather than calmer. It seems to be a wound she inflicts on others unwittingly. )
You are right; they are not. That disparity lead to acts of... incompatable cruelty by Templars and Seekers, and by mages as well. I will not deny that Circles were flawed, but... but elves could live there snd be treated equal to human peers, and respected, and neither can I forget that. Mages can benefit from Circles in ways that apostates willfully ignore, when they are so determined that their delusions of what freedom is outweighs the safety of others, and even of their fellow mages.
( Still she sounds calm, bordering on emotionless, as deeply as her own words cut. )
Have you learned at all of the White Spire? Of Kirkwall?
Kirkwall, yes. Someone recommended Tethras' The Tale of the Champion, I've been working through it.
[Her tone suggests that, even if she didn't get all the details, she got enough to make the topic a sober one. The realization later that Anders was the same man who'd chatted with her about science and magic and fire left her... unsettled, to say the least.]
Obviously, I don't know all the details, but the broad outlines.
No matter what atrocities befell mages and Tranquil, even without the blood magic Tethras makes reference to... I do not believe in group of innocents more worthy of death than another. Kirkwall made ripples that disturbed all Circles. I do not believe that the slaughter at the Spire could have occurred if not for Kirkwall, though there are many that disagree with me, I think. The Mage Templar War has slain thousands. Circles being bettered could have... prevented much bloodshed. Both sides in this are selfish and dishonourable.
( A rawness has slipped into her tone, and she draws it back sharply. )
I spoke too freely. My sentinents gave no place in this; I'm sorry.
[There's so much context, she hesitates, but as much as people here have taken the time to explain to her, she doesn't hesitate long.]
The time and place I'm from... our country is at war, but it's on the other side of the world. And we're a big country, so a lot of people don't know anyone personally who's seen it. The violence in my life before this... it's an aberration. Something way out of the ordinary. I feel very sheltered, sometimes, here.
That's a kinder way to put it, anyway. I mean, I knew I was lucky, even at home. But it's a little more... immediate, here. If I do choose to join the Inquisition formally, I'm not even sure how I could help.
That you care to help is not without its own significance, Lady Cosima. This is not your world. Some would argue that none of this falls to you, a means to excuse themselves of any involvement. I think—
( She pauses for a moment, and there is a thoughtfulness in her pause, just a brief hesitation. )
Kindness is a thing too often overlooked. A caring and a concern for the world about you. We are not well known to one another, but I think your heart is a kind one, compassionate, that your concern is what help you might offer. Do not undercut the value of it, when there are so many needing kindness.
( And, and exhale. ) If you worry truly, there are many areas where help is needed. It is but a matter of finding that which makes you feel at ease with what you do, as well.
[She may be smiling, just a little, but her answer is a serious one:]
Yeah, well, I want to go home, but it doesn't seem like anyone knows of a surefire way to make that happen. In the meantime, I can't just kick back and pretend nothing here affects me just because I'm a foreigner.
( The very reason that they need help at all, that Cosima is here, is because there are those who do not think people living here matters. It is a strange thing, to be sure. )
We will find a way to see you safely home. I... am limited in my understanding of it, and I will not make an oath to you that it is not solely in my power to keep, but I will devote all my energy to aiding that cause. On that, at least, I can give you my word.
( A little pause, them. So very seriously, in that way that acts as a marker for gentle ridiculousness: )
And if we do not find a solution so fast as you might hope, there is always debate on uses for flowers. Mayhaps flowers are even the root of this mystery.
( An exaggeration note of suspicion, utterly false, even though Herian let's it hang in the hair a moment before exhaling an amused huff of breath.
It is the latter comment that leaves her in actual surprised silence, for a moment. That is easily amongst the nicest things anyone has said to her since she got to the Inquisition, and it means much for not having come from Sabine or Adelaide. )
I— thank you. I have decided to remain. It would do the elves little good to be granted freedoms if the world about them is torn apart. Whether the Inquisition is glad for me to remain is another matter entire.
It seems like they've got too many balls in the air to be very picky, honestly.
[It's not meant as any reflection on Herian in particular, so much as an observation about how much diversity of viewpoint Cosima has already run across in a few short weeks.]
But as I told a guy I met in the healing tents, being anti "end of the world" seems like a really reasonable position. Especially when you also happen to live there.
If there is one thing I can agree upon with most here, it is precisely that. I am afraid there are a good many here who seem to take issue with a good many of my opinions. But, I've no desire to cause offense. Better to stay my tongue than air my views wantonly for no good reason than to strike at others.
( Her tone suggests it would be preferable if others did the same, probably. )
From my study of it, a true knight does not cause offence. If an argument must be made, aye, we are bound to stand by our word and not veer from our path. Honour cannot be compromised, and... we must consider all we do and feel and say to stand by that honour. To cause disruption in the Inquisition when it has so much to achieve? That would be even more a disgrace to that code, no matter my feelings on it.
( No matter how painful it is, that would be the better phrase, but this is not about just her. )
Debates can be had when there is not so much at stake, when we... are not so much in need of unity. Stand by your honour and do not compromise yourself, but do not inflict wounds that have no need of being inflicted. None will benefit, I think.
[But that's a note of admiration, in the observation.]
If you ever need to share some opinions where they won't go shaking up any alliances, though, that's what friends are for. Knights are allowed to have friends, right?
And you, as well. I cannot imagine it is wasy to absorb all the conflicting views of an entire world. I am glad to listen, if you've need or want of it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I just meant... I didn't mean to erase nuance with the fact that I'm glad I'm not just sitting around waiting for my body to break down, either. From the little I've heard, it sounds like not all Circles are the same, exactly, either.
[It's an invitation to elaborate, but certainly not a demand.]
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You are right; they are not. That disparity lead to acts of... incompatable cruelty by Templars and Seekers, and by mages as well. I will not deny that Circles were flawed, but... but elves could live there snd be treated equal to human peers, and respected, and neither can I forget that. Mages can benefit from Circles in ways that apostates willfully ignore, when they are so determined that their delusions of what freedom is outweighs the safety of others, and even of their fellow mages.
( Still she sounds calm, bordering on emotionless, as deeply as her own words cut. )
Have you learned at all of the White Spire? Of Kirkwall?
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Kirkwall, yes. Someone recommended Tethras' The Tale of the Champion, I've been working through it.
[Her tone suggests that, even if she didn't get all the details, she got enough to make the topic a sober one. The realization later that Anders was the same man who'd chatted with her about science and magic and fire left her... unsettled, to say the least.]
Obviously, I don't know all the details, but the broad outlines.
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( A rawness has slipped into her tone, and she draws it back sharply. )
I spoke too freely. My sentinents gave no place in this; I'm sorry.
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[She exhales.]
I didn't live through it, you know? Reading about it, hearing about it - that's never going to be the same. You don't have anything to be sorry for.
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I hope you are never in a situation that grants you a closer understanding. It leaves marks that cannot be easily washed away.
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[There's so much context, she hesitates, but as much as people here have taken the time to explain to her, she doesn't hesitate long.]
The time and place I'm from... our country is at war, but it's on the other side of the world. And we're a big country, so a lot of people don't know anyone personally who's seen it. The violence in my life before this... it's an aberration. Something way out of the ordinary. I feel very sheltered, sometimes, here.
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( a moment of consideration. )
Sheltered seems needlessly condemning, especially of one endeavouring to learn. 'Fortunate' suits better, mayhaps.
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( She pauses for a moment, and there is a thoughtfulness in her pause, just a brief hesitation. )
Kindness is a thing too often overlooked. A caring and a concern for the world about you. We are not well known to one another, but I think your heart is a kind one, compassionate, that your concern is what help you might offer. Do not undercut the value of it, when there are so many needing kindness.
( And, and exhale. ) If you worry truly, there are many areas where help is needed. It is but a matter of finding that which makes you feel at ease with what you do, as well.
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Yeah, well, I want to go home, but it doesn't seem like anyone knows of a surefire way to make that happen. In the meantime, I can't just kick back and pretend nothing here affects me just because I'm a foreigner.
[In a manner of speaking.]
I'm here. People live here. It matters.
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( The very reason that they need help at all, that Cosima is here, is because there are those who do not think people living here matters. It is a strange thing, to be sure. )
We will find a way to see you safely home. I... am limited in my understanding of it, and I will not make an oath to you that it is not solely in my power to keep, but I will devote all my energy to aiding that cause. On that, at least, I can give you my word.
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( A little pause, them. So very seriously, in that way that acts as a marker for gentle ridiculousness: )
And if we do not find a solution so fast as you might hope, there is always debate on uses for flowers. Mayhaps flowers are even the root of this mystery.
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You never know! Though I promise, I didn't ingest any weird flowers at home right before I arrived.
[Though that might explain some things.]
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Anyway, in the meantime... I think the Inquisition is lucky to have you, if you've decided in their favor.
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( An exaggeration note of suspicion, utterly false, even though Herian let's it hang in the hair a moment before exhaling an amused huff of breath.
It is the latter comment that leaves her in actual surprised silence, for a moment. That is easily amongst the nicest things anyone has said to her since she got to the Inquisition, and it means much for not having come from Sabine or Adelaide. )
I— thank you. I have decided to remain. It would do the elves little good to be granted freedoms if the world about them is torn apart. Whether the Inquisition is glad for me to remain is another matter entire.
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[It's not meant as any reflection on Herian in particular, so much as an observation about how much diversity of viewpoint Cosima has already run across in a few short weeks.]
But as I told a guy I met in the healing tents, being anti "end of the world" seems like a really reasonable position. Especially when you also happen to live there.
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( Her tone suggests it would be preferable if others did the same, probably. )
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[Immediately trying to think of how to explain that:]
It's, um. In my world there's a way to share your unsolicited opinion with a lot of strangers at once. There's no shortage of people who. Do that.
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And then a quiet ah of understanding. )
From my study of it, a true knight does not cause offence. If an argument must be made, aye, we are bound to stand by our word and not veer from our path. Honour cannot be compromised, and... we must consider all we do and feel and say to stand by that honour. To cause disruption in the Inquisition when it has so much to achieve? That would be even more a disgrace to that code, no matter my feelings on it.
( No matter how painful it is, that would be the better phrase, but this is not about just her. )
Debates can be had when there is not so much at stake, when we... are not so much in need of unity. Stand by your honour and do not compromise yourself, but do not inflict wounds that have no need of being inflicted. None will benefit, I think.
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[But that's a note of admiration, in the observation.]
If you ever need to share some opinions where they won't go shaking up any alliances, though, that's what friends are for. Knights are allowed to have friends, right?
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( So very serious. So so serious )
And you, as well. I cannot imagine it is wasy to absorb all the conflicting views of an entire world. I am glad to listen, if you've need or want of it.
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And... thanks. It is. A lot. I mean, I think I'm doing okay, but that could largely be denial, so.
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Editing only to notice missing words later :[
It happens to the best of us
single noble tear etc
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