[ the dots, ness is connecting them: so that's what gwenaëlle meant about the commander's beloved blondes. she knows petrana well enough, they're in diplomacy, they've done a mission together—and she already knows what ness can do, because julius knows what she can do. the commander knows, because julius and petrana know. that... sits ill, and the nauseous realization is clear on her face.
no more ill, to be fair, than the idea of gwenaëlle knowing because stephen did, if gwenaëlle hadn't got to her first, but still. her safety hangs on such a fine tether here. if she thinks too hard about the possibility that everyone who knows has already told a bedfellow, or a friend, and they've told someone, and they've told someone, and...
she gets a little light-headed. ness pulls herself deliberately back to the conversation at hand, focusing on cosima through the ocean-sound of panic rushing through the back of her mind. ]
Ah—minimal, though not zero? There were incidents here in the Gallows when I first arrived, but there haven't been any since I began training with the Doctor. I think it'd be irresponsible to claim no risk at all, though, just because of how reactive magic can be to one's emotions and stress.
Honestly, I wouldn't ask or expect zero risk. Years ago, the seneschal accidentally slammed a sparring partner into the ground with magic. [Inadvertently speaking of said beloved blonde(s).] For what it's worth, he felt really bad. But it's ... things that are powerful have the potential for dangerous, I get that. Minimal is plenty, especially given the results you've already seen from training.
[Cosima exhales, thinking all this through.]
So that leaves us with the PR side. I get why you want to keep it as quiet as possible, and I don't think that's wrong. [A brief pause as she runs through the roster in her mind.] I honestly think with full Riftwatch members, the only ones you'd deeply have to worry about are Keen, though you probably figured that out yourself, and anyone too new to be sure of their motivations. We did have a Chantry spy once, a few years ago, so that's not impossible again, though I suspect right now they have bigger fish to fry.
Unless the other Div heads feel differently, we'll leave this need-to-know for now, but you might think about letting people you trust know when you feel comfortable. You're not technically doing blood magic if there's no blood, and I think people will be ... Once you've already got a bond of trust, people in Riftwatch have learned to roll with a lot, especially the long-timers. They might surprise you. And having more people in your corner might help you feel less exposed. But I'm going to leave it to you, okay?
[ julius has always struck ness as such a mild person that the idea of him doing anything that could be described as "slamming" rings bizarre; ness can't help a quiet chuckle at the thought, then bites her lip to refocus herself, and whatever fleeting mirth she felt dissipates quickly. that the provost clearly takes her concern seriously is gratifying, the possibility—and previous reality—of a spy is less so.
feeling less exposed the more people know about her magic is such a basically contradictory thing that she's almost derailed entirely puzzling over it... but it's tangential, really, beyond the point. she's told the provost about her magic, received assurance that she's not to be tossed on her ass or out of cosima's good graces for having kept it secret for so long, and can put one of her myriad fears to rest. all in all, this conversation has been an unequivocal success.
her expression of gratitude is only the slightest bit performative; the difference between how ness would demonstrate the emotion to a superior instead of a friend. ]
I appreciate that, Provost. Thank you for the advice, and your understanding. If anything about the situation changes, or there becomes cause for concern, I will make you and the other division heads aware immediately. And...
[ it's better to thank than to apologize, but—she hesitates, shifting her weight, speaking less to an authority figure this time than a person she could like to befriend. ]
I apologize that it took me so long to say anything. I'll be more forthcoming in future.
[ to cosima specifically, anyway, since she took this so well. tbd for the rest of the div heads. ]
Edited (fully forgot i meant to suggest a bow for this) 2025-03-29 23:05 (UTC)
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no subject
no more ill, to be fair, than the idea of gwenaëlle knowing because stephen did, if gwenaëlle hadn't got to her first, but still. her safety hangs on such a fine tether here. if she thinks too hard about the possibility that everyone who knows has already told a bedfellow, or a friend, and they've told someone, and they've told someone, and...
she gets a little light-headed. ness pulls herself deliberately back to the conversation at hand, focusing on cosima through the ocean-sound of panic rushing through the back of her mind. ]
Ah—minimal, though not zero? There were incidents here in the Gallows when I first arrived, but there haven't been any since I began training with the Doctor. I think it'd be irresponsible to claim no risk at all, though, just because of how reactive magic can be to one's emotions and stress.
no subject
[Cosima exhales, thinking all this through.]
So that leaves us with the PR side. I get why you want to keep it as quiet as possible, and I don't think that's wrong. [A brief pause as she runs through the roster in her mind.] I honestly think with full Riftwatch members, the only ones you'd deeply have to worry about are Keen, though you probably figured that out yourself, and anyone too new to be sure of their motivations. We did have a Chantry spy once, a few years ago, so that's not impossible again, though I suspect right now they have bigger fish to fry.
Unless the other Div heads feel differently, we'll leave this need-to-know for now, but you might think about letting people you trust know when you feel comfortable. You're not technically doing blood magic if there's no blood, and I think people will be ... Once you've already got a bond of trust, people in Riftwatch have learned to roll with a lot, especially the long-timers. They might surprise you. And having more people in your corner might help you feel less exposed. But I'm going to leave it to you, okay?
🎀?
feeling less exposed the more people know about her magic is such a basically contradictory thing that she's almost derailed entirely puzzling over it... but it's tangential, really, beyond the point. she's told the provost about her magic, received assurance that she's not to be tossed on her ass or out of cosima's good graces for having kept it secret for so long, and can put one of her myriad fears to rest. all in all, this conversation has been an unequivocal success.
her expression of gratitude is only the slightest bit performative; the difference between how ness would demonstrate the emotion to a superior instead of a friend. ]
I appreciate that, Provost. Thank you for the advice, and your understanding. If anything about the situation changes, or there becomes cause for concern, I will make you and the other division heads aware immediately. And...
[ it's better to thank than to apologize, but—she hesitates, shifting her weight, speaking less to an authority figure this time than a person she could like to befriend. ]
I apologize that it took me so long to say anything. I'll be more forthcoming in future.
[ to cosima specifically, anyway, since she took this so well. tbd for the rest of the div heads. ]