IC Inbox

[youwonscience]

Incoming messages and correspondence for Cosima Niehaus

Comments

[laruetheday]

Yeah. [ Clarisse does miss it. The ease of it, and the familiarity. Feeling like that's gone has been hard to deal with. ]

I guess I'm just worried she's pissed about it. Or regrets it. [ Both? Why not both. ]

[youwonscience]

Totally understandable. But unfortunately, like, asking or not asking isn't going to make her mad or not mad. Your options are either ask how she feels and maybe find out, or don't ask and definitely don't find out. And I know that it can feel like, well, if you don't know, maybe it's not as real. But however she feels is already real, whether you ask about it or not, you know?

[laruetheday]

[ There's a pause before Clarisse says, ] Yeah.

[ That's all true. There's no getting around it. And Cosima's right, not knowing has been stressful, but it's also been a way to keep herself from accepting blame, a way to use ignorance to her advantage. ]

Okay. I'll talk to her.

[youwonscience]

Hey. [More sympathetic.] I really hope it goes easier than you're expecting. Puts your mind at rest. But however it goes, if you need a drink or someone to listen, or both of those, my door's always open. Seriously.

[laruetheday]

Thanks, Cosima. [ It's genuine, if a little embarrassed. ] It helps to have someone, you know, wiser to ask about this shit.

[youwonscience]

Well, older at least. No, I mean, really. I'm happy to help if I can.

And for what it's worth, I've grieved the loss of enough friends to say ... you deserve a bit of grace. No one makes the best decisions in the thick of it, so don't beat yourself up, regardless of how anything else goes, OK?

[laruetheday]

[ "I've grieved the loss of enough friends" hits differently than it would have a year ago. Clarisse has seen other rifters go. Jude was her friend. But this is the first time someone who was such a major part of her life has disappeared, and the longer she stays here, the higher the chances are that it will keep happening.

Of course, what's the alternative? Being the one who goes. And the thought of that makes her feel just as sick. ]

I'll try not to.